I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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