I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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