i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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