My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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