so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
