so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
