I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
