Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
