I look better un-naked...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
