Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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