don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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