I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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