A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
