Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
