I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
