So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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