we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
