i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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