i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
