I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
