I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
