His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
