My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
