Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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