somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
