I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
