dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
