is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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