Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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