He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
