Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When did angry sex become our thing?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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