Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
