At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
