guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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