My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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