Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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