Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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