its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
