Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
