There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
