All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
