fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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