Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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