My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
