then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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