VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
