I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
