He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Farmville is her only friend.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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