More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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