my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
