my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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