Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
