Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
