VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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