Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
