nut hugger
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize