TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
