Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
