Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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