there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
