i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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