Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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