My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
