I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
