a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
