I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
