If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
