UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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